Qualifications
by BananaPropaganda
Summary: The comedian trio: always together. Right! Apparently not, when Shinpachi and Heisuke are sent off on business. Sanosuke, horrified, sets off to find his new best friends for a week. And what better way to find the most qualified than to intervew them?


Disclaimer: Silly, of course I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane…I wish I owned one of those nifty Saizou hats, though…

Summary: Shinpachi and Heisuke are both away on very important, super-secret Shinsengumi-related errands, and they'll be gone all week. What's a lonely and bored Harada Sanosuke going to do without the other jokers around? Conduct interviews of the other members to find his new best friends for a week, of course!

A/N-Meh. Stupid, possibly funny stuff here. Tell me if I should continue. I just really wanted to do a PMK fic, and my brother really encouraged this one.

Prologue: What About Me?

"WHAT?!"

Okita Souji poked his head into Headquarters' training hall as he passed, as that and a whole string of other string of loud, smooshed together exclamations resounded from within. Upon peeking inside, he discovered Harada-san strangling Nakgakura-san as Todou-san stood by waving his hands around to halt the one-sided fight and several other men stopped their sparring matches to watch nervously.

Oh yes, the usual.

Unconcerned,_ he_ continued on his way to Hijikata's room, hoping to goad a trip to Kyoto's newest sweets shop out of the man, but, of course, things continued for all of those actually involved. Especially for Shinpachi, whose face was just changing from indigo to outright purple.

"You can't both be—"

"Yes. Now, Sano, put him d—"

"At the same time?!"

"Yes. Sano!"

"But what am I supposed to—"

"Sano, he's passed out!"

Sano released Shinpachi's slender neck, leaving him to fall their height difference and land in a gasping heap onto the dojo's floor. Once recovered, the Second Unit Captain scrappily pounced back onto his friend and proceeded to strangle him back, screaming about duties to the Shinsengumi, Hijikata's wrath, getting over it, and several other totally unrelated things. Sano yelled incomprehensibly back, and, feeling left out, Heisuke soon joined them.

At such violent noise, Okita had backtracked, thinking hard about his earlier dismissal. Really, he wondered, putting a slim finger to his bottom lip thoughtfully, was is really _normal _to see them strangling each other? Together, yes; arguing, yes; making loud noises, yes; but _strangling each other_?

As they slowly came back into view, he cocked his head to one side. Nagakura-san didn't seem like such a victim now, but there was still some definite choking going on. Yes.

Saizou came tottering up to the engawa, imploring that his master pick him up to see the three beating on each other with a loud, sharp, "Bhui!" Okita obliged, scooping the piglet into his arms and moving into the training hall with a smile, thus giving his pet a glorious view of the trio.

"Mou, what is it now, you three?" he asked sweetly. They stopped everything they were doing for an all-too-brief moment of silence, before attempting to explain to him the situation, all at the very same time, several seconds later. Okita was thinking of asking them to stop and repeat one at a time, but soon realized the futility of the request, as then they would surely begin to argue over who got to speak first, and decided instead to put his energy into catching important parts of their screams.

"Business trip," "all alone," "important," and "loyalty" was all that the young Captain could catch, but by applying former knowledge, he was able to figure out the problem. He silenced the trio's verbal war, much to the dismay of Saizou, who had very much been enjoying the entertainment, by poking his index finger into the air and declaring, "Oh my, this _could_ be a problem! You three are _always_ together! At least two of you are, anyway, and now Nagakura-san and Todou-san both have to leave?!"

They all nodded vigorously, provoking further worry. Honestly, Okita could imagine one of them sitting neatly in front of someone very important, even beginning an intelligent sentence, only to be ruined when he stopped right in the middle of it and looked nervously around for one of his friends to finish it for him.

His smile grew slightly strained. It really _was_ a problem, wasn't it? One of them _alone_ was probably going to be even more trouble than all three of them, wasn't it? Someone had made a huge mistake here.

"Mou, Harada-san, it really isn't so bad. We can find you someone else to pal around with for a few days!"

Sano pouted. "But it won't be the same!"

"Of course not, but we can't do a thing about that. It'll just keep you from being completely alone!"

Shinpachi and Heisuke smiled. "There ya go, Sano!" the former said, grinning as he released his friend and dropped to the ground. "You just have to—"

"Find the person that you get along with the best, and follow them around until we're back!" Heisuke finished proudly. "Then you can tell us all of the funny crap you did while we were gone!"

"But—"

"Don't worry!" Shinpachi implored, slowly making his way out of the hall, pulling Heisuke along with him. "We'll be back before you can say 'Shimabara,' promise!"

With that, they hopped away to change out of their sweaty practice clothes, leaving a depressed Sano in the hands of clever Okita, who clapped his hands together and smiled brightly. "See? Even Nagakura-san and Todou-san think it's a good idea! Now, I have to go on patrol soon, so—"

"You're leaving me too, Souji?!" Sano slumped to the ground.

"Oh, no, no, no!" he consoled, eyes wide. "Just for a bit! I'll be back before sunset, even, so that'll give you some time to find possible new friends!"

"But how do I know who's the best?" he whined, shoulders slumping.

Okita frowned. "Well…" he began, looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "You could…Ah!" He popped one fist happily against the other, nearly losing Saizou in the process. "You can interview them!"

"Interview…" the Tenth Unit Captain repeated numbly.

"You know, ask everyone questions to see whose, say, most like Nagakura and Todou-san, or who sounds like the most fun!" he explained happily, giving Sano's hair an understanding pat. Saizou grunted approvingly at his master's brilliance. "Now, I'm going on patrol, so go ahead and start looking! We'll see what you've got down when I get back, ne?"

"Okay…"

"Good, good," he said, grinning as he turned and skipped out of the dojo and towards his room. He stopped to plop Saizou back onto the ground, wagging a finger in front of his snout as he let out a loud squeal. "I know, I know. Surely no one will consent, but at least it'll keep him busy."

Meanwhile, Sano wrenched himself from the clean training hall floor and uttered feebly, "Shimabara," before looking dismally around for Shinpachi and Heisuke. Upon seeing no trace of them, he gave in to Okita's idea and went to fetch some paper and a brush.


End file.
